If you’ve already discovered the No-No List, then you likely understand the importance of identifying character and personality differences in a potential partner early in a relationship. This awareness of trigger points that are not conducive to a long-term, healthy relationship can save you from wasting both time and emotion on the wrong person.

So how can you begin creating your own No-No List? Here are three steps to get your started:

• Don’t Analyze, Just Write. To get the ball rolling, don’t complicate things too much. Begin considering some attributes that you know you can’t accept in a relationship and make a short list to get you started. Beginning the list can help bring awareness to your boundaries in a new way and each new revelation can lead to another.
• Take a Deeper Dive. Once you have your list of traits, the next step is to write a definition of what they mean to you. Everyone’s definitions will be different, but the important thing is to ask yourself, “Why does this trait bother me?” and “Why is this trait non-negotiable?” The clearer you are with your definitions, the better you’ll become at spotting red flags.
• Keep It Short. Your list should be long enough to be thorough, but short enough to commit it to memory. You should be able to keep your list in your head whenever you’re in a social situation, which will make it easier to weed out potential dating prospects – no matter how tempting they may be.

Writing a No-No List is an ongoing process, so don’t feel locked into your original draft. Continue revising and refining your list as you reflect and learn more about what you don’t want in a relationship.

To get a list of 35 potential No-Nos that can serve as a guide for making your own list, please check out Chapter 5 of my book, The No-No List.